Dog Days
by dragonwrangler
Summary: Fury really hates Thursdays.


**S.H.I.E.L.D. DOCUMENT 4588242387 LO4752**

**MISSION FILE: 42OPERATIONS DOCUMENTSAUDIO TRANSCRIPT**

NICK FURY: What happened?

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: We're not sure.

NICK FURY: I don't pay you to be not sure. I got half a building that's now sitting in the street. Someone needs to tell me why, and they need to tell me right now.

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JIMMY WOO: We're almost a hundred percent certain magic did that.

_footsteps and the sound of dogs barking in the background_

NICK FURY: Yeah; already knew it was magic when our observation drone got turned into a potted plant. That doesn't tell me why someone was using magic to drop a piece of a building on top of the Avengers.

_sound of dogs barking increasing in volume_

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JIMMY WOO: Knocking the building over may not have been the purpose of the spell.

NICK FURY: Gonna enlighten me as to how you reached that conclusion?

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: Because we're pretty sure those are the Avengers over there, sir.

_footsteps stop_

NICK FURY: Shit.

_dogs continue to bark_

NICK FURY: (_under his breath_) I really hate Thursdays.

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: We think the Jack Russell Terrier there is Stark.

NICK FURY: Ya think? How many other dogs do we think are out there with Arc Reactors stuck in their chests, Sitwell?

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: Uh- none, sir?

NICK FURY: Exactly; I'd say it's a safe bet that that one's Stark.

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JIMMY WOO: We've been able to determine the breeds of each one but we can't be sure outside of Stark who is who.

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: We have one Saluki, one Border Collie, one Golden Retriever, one Basenji, one Norwegian Elkhound, and the Terrier.

_dogs are still barking_

NICK FURY: We're missing one.

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JIMMY WOO: We may be missing two.

NICK FURY: And what makes you think that?

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: The Border Collie has been completely focused on Stark ever since he started barking at the Retriever and is ignoring us completely. We think that maybe the spell backfired and that the Collie might be Loki.

NICK FURY: No; that'll be Coulson; he's probably pissed off at Stark for yappin at Cap and thinking about cutting him from the herd.

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JIMMY WOO: You think Cap's-

NICK FURY: Who the hell else is going to be a Golden Retriever. And I don't see Loki going for the 'working dog' look.

_more dogs start barking_

NICK FURY: Someone go track down Banner. Last thing I need is a big green hellhound roaming through Times Square.

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: How can you be sure he's the one miss-

NICK FURY: SIT!

_the dogs stop barking_

NICK FURY: Right. The ones sitting are ours; that means the Terrier's Stark and the Elkhound is Thor.

THOR: Woof.

NICK FURY: There ya go.

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: I'll go find Banner.

NICK FURY: You do that. And get Strange on the phone. See if he's got any suggestions on how to deal with this.

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JASPER SITWELL: Yes, sir.

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JIMMY WOO: What should we do with them in the meantime?

NICK FURY: Pack 'em up and get them down to Central. We'll sort it out there.

TONY STARK: (_starts barking_)

NICK FURY: Hey. You give me any lip about this, Stark, and I'll have someone fix ya to calm ya down; got it?

_the sounds of several dogs whining_

TONY STARK: (_growls_)

NICK FURY: It's been a shitty day, Stark. Really wanna see if I won't follow through with that threat right now?

_growling stops_

NICK FURY: Good boy. Now get your asses moving.

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT JIMMY WOO: Uh; follow me please.

_the sound of footsteps then 23 seconds of silence_

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT PHIL COULSON: Woof.

NICK FURY: Feel free to sit on Stark whenever he starts mouthing off again, Cheese.

S.H.I.E.L.D. AGENT PHIL COULSON: Woof.

_the sound of footsteps then 8 seconds of silence_

NICK FURY: Right. (_under his breath_) If someone wants to put a bypass through the planet today, think I'll just let 'em do it.

**END OF TAPE**

* * *

**Author's note-** Written for my avengers_table: Crack prompt- turned into animals.

**Disclaimer- **All characters are the property of Marvel- I'm just borrowing them for a bit.


End file.
